


Promise Me

by fandomtrashpanda



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Gen, Pidge secretly loves romance, but other people's romance?, dead hands, healthy mother/daughter relationship!!!, healthy sibling relationship!!!, i'm ngl i feel like Colleen/Sam Holt is just as Real OS (real original ship) as Zarkon/Honerva, she hates romance when it applies to herself, she's all about it, you can take this headcanon from my cold
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-17 01:37:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13648737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomtrashpanda/pseuds/fandomtrashpanda
Summary: The summer before Pidge went to the Garrison seeking answers, she was still Katie Holt. She was still Colleen Holt's baby girl; the last piece of her beloved husband, almost a perfect reflection of her son. She was terrified of losing her, too.OR: Pidge tells Matt about a conversation she had with their mother, one starry night during the summer before she went to the Garrison.





	Promise Me

**Author's Note:**

> if you don't cry while reading this then i have failed because i cried while writing it

“Hey… Pidge?” Pidge looked up from the code she was working on, her hair mussed and glasses askew as she fixed her gaze on matt.

“Yeah?” She sounded frazzled; probably the lack of sleep. 

“Things have been so crazy and hectic, and with us still looking for dad… I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to realize -” Matt looked reluctant, scratching the back of his head for a moment before looking at Pidge and carefully asking, “what happened to mom?” Pidge’s workshop was quiet. “I’m just - I’m wondering… did you… leave her behind?” He sounded reluctant, as though the idea of it was impossible.

“I kind of had to,” Pidge admitted, looking back to her code but her hands not moving.

“Pidge -!”

“I didn’t want to!” She exclaimed, looking back to Matt with wide, desperate eyes. “But-but we both thought that… I had to.” She dropped her hands into her lap and hung her her head, squeezing her eyes shut. Matt didn’t hesitate to stand and walk to her side, sitting down next to her and tugging her into a hug. 

“What happened, Pidge? Is mom okay?” He asked, petting her hair. She took a few deep breaths as she hugged him tightly, closing her eyes as she remembered.

 

 

 

 

Katie did not want to do this. She didn’t. But as the guards escorted her all the way to her front steps, she knew that she wasn’t being given a choice. 

The look of shock and terror on her mother’s face when she answered the door was exactly why she didn’t want this, her agitation only eased by the relief on her mother’s face when she saw her.

“Where have you been?” She demanded, sounding more distressed than angry as she grabbed Katie by her shoulders. 

“Mrs. Holt, your daughter -”

“Doctor Holt,” Colleen corrected them icily, “my husband wasn’t the only adult in this house with a PhD.” Katie had to hug her mom and hide her face in her chest so that the Garrison soldiers wouldn’t see her smile. 

“Doctor Holt,” the guard who had spoken huffed before explaining, “your daughter was caught on Garrison property, attempting to hack into top secret files on a high-ranking officers private computer. Charges could be pressed for trespassing.”

“My husband and son - her father and brother - have been declared dead. We all have our ways of dealing with grief,” she said, nudging Katie behind her; she had to bite her lip to stop herself from arguing with her mother. 

“She was still trespassing. She has been banned from Garrison property,” the guard explained. “If she’s caught again, there will be severe repercussions.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind - now, kindly remove yourselves from my property,” she said, standing in the doorway until they had left. All of her agitation towards the guards vanished, however, as soon as she stepped back and closed the door. “Again, Katie?” She asked, sounding tired. 

“They’re hiding something,” Katie insisted. “Things don’t add up -!” 

“Enough.” She went silent at her mother’s stern voice; in the lighting of the entry hall she could finally see the shadows under Colleen’s eyes and how bloodshot they were. “Katie, please,” she whispered, her shoulders slumping. Katie took a deep breath and tensed up, finally pivoting on her heel and storming up the stairs, slamming her bedroom door shut behind her so hard the picture frames hung up in the hallway rattled. 

Colleen stood in the same spot for a moment before she turned her gaze towards the table by the door; at the keys sitting in the keybowl, and a family photo of the Holt family: Colleen with her hands on her husband’s arm as he cradled their baby daughter while she tried to pull off his glasses, their toddler son sitting on his shoulders and looking down at his mother with only a few teeth showing in his gummy smile. 

She picked up the photo and traced her fingers over their smiling faces, her chin trembling as she touched her husband’s smile. Tears started to drip down her cheeks as she squeezed her eyes shut and held the picture tightly against her chest, taking deep, shuddering breaths. After a few deep inhales and exhales, she finally opened her eyes and set her jaw with determination. 

 

 

Katie didn’t leave her room for two days, except to take short, cold showers that only served to wake her up, and occasionally eat; she was too absorbed in furiously tapping away on her computer as she scoured the few documents she had managed to steal for some hint, the smallest of details that could give her theories more weight, more substance. So wrapped up in her stolen notes, she didn’t hear the knocking on her door until Colleen swung the door open, startling a yelp out of Katie as she slammed her computer shut. 

“Mom!” She yelled in objection. 

“Pack a bag,” Colleen said, throwing one of the family duffle bugs into the room at the foot of her bed. “We’re going on a trip,” was her explanation, “at least four days, but pack for six.” 

“Are - are you serious?” Katie found herself stumbling to her feet, chasing her mom into the hallway. “We’re going on some dumb vacation now?” 

“Katie.” 

Colleen Holt was different from her husband in that she had a commanding presence, one that could have earned her a position in the military had she chosen that pathway instead of searching for a way to cure brain cancer. She rarely displayed this force of will in their household, but when she did it silenced the loudest and most destructive of tantrums. Even with her cheeks flushed and eyes red from crying, the set of her jaw and way she rolled her shoulders back showed that there was no room for argument, and shocked any objections right out of Katie’s mind. 

“Fine,” she huffed after a moment, storming into her room and furiously yanking drawers open, shoving clothes unceremoniously into her bag. Not even an hour later she was hunched over in the passenger seat of the van, too busy glaring out the window to help her mother load anything else into the car. “Where are we even going?” She asked, hardly passing a cursory glance at the supplies in the back before glaring at her mom again.

“We’re going up to the cabin,” Colleen responded, starting the car. Katie immediately went stiff and she spun around to glare at her mom. 

“We can’t!” She objected, tears already pricking at her eyes, “It’s supposed to be a family place! We can’t go there without dad and Matt!” 

“Katie.” There it was again, Colleen’s pseudo-military voice. “I need you to trust me,” she said, fixing her intent stare on her daughter. Katie felt more tears welling in her eyes, all of her objections dying in her throat as she spun around and hunched as far away from her mother as she could go. The strap of her seatbelt dug into her throat as she tried to curl up against the door, a few tears of frustration and exhaustion slipping out of her eyes and down her cheeks. However, it didn’t take long for her exhaustion to catch up with her. She fell asleep quickly, in spite of her head bumping uncomfortably against the door. 

 

 

“Katie… Katie…” Katie groaned and blinked the crust from her eyes, sitting up slowly and wincing at the crick in her neck. “We’re here,” Colleen told her once she had woken up, opening the car door and getting out. “Help me with the perishables, first,” she said, pulling out coolers and canvas bags filled with vegetables and fruit, passing them to Katie to hold as she went to the door of the cabin, the gravel crunching under their feet. 

“You take care of the sheets while I start the generator,” Colleen instructed her as she went back outside, making Katie scowl. However, she didn’t argue; instead, she began to go through the house, yanking the dusty sheets off of furniture and dragging it all out back to throw it over the laundry lines while there was still light outside; off to the side of the house, she could hear the clanking and thrumming of the generator as it started up after months of disuse. 

“Mom,” Katie finally said as she went into the cabin and saw her mom unpacking the groceries in the small kitchen, “what are we doing here?” 

“Later tonight, I have something I want to show you,” Colleen said. “I suggest you get the rest of the things out of the car, I’ll get started on dinner.” Katie huffed and proceeded to storm between the van and the rooms in the cabin, stopping when she made her last trip to the van and saw what was at the very back. 

“Mom?” She called out gently as she entered the cabin, grabbing her mother’s attention and drawing her gaze to the box that was almost as tall as Katie, so heavy-looking she had to carry it with both hands. “You brought dad’s telescope?” She asked quietly, her chest aching. Colleen’s smile was a sad one as she nodded. 

“Dinner’s almost ready,” Colleen said, nodding for Katie to set the case down and join her at the table. 

 

 

Katie and her mom walked out to the center of the field behind the cabin, working together to stomp down the grass enough for them to lay out a blanket. 

“Would you look at all of this, Katie?” Colleen said, gesturing at the sky above them with one hand as she went to unpack the telescope. “Seeing the night sky without all of the light pollution - it’s breathtaking, isn’t it?” 

“Yeah,” Katie murmured in affirmation, only half paying attention as she held up one of the lanterns so her mom could see what she was doing. 

Dad and Matt are out somewhere out there, she found herself thinking, an ache forming in her chest as it usually did whenever she thought about it. 

“Did I ever tell you the story of how your father and I met?” Colleen suddenly spoke up, interrupting the lull of the cicadas as she adjusted the telescope. 

“Just bits and pieces, never the whole thing and altogether,” Katie said, folding her legs as she watched her mom. 

“It was my first year of medical school. I was already becoming stressed due to the amount of work I had taken on. I was tutoring on the side, a teaching assistant, and spent many hours in the lab. One day I was running late to a meeting with my advisor and was sprinting through the lobby of the science building!” Colleen began, her voice lively as she told the story, occasionally leaning away from the telescope to smile at her daughter. 

“I can’t imagine you being that stressed out,” Katie mentioned, leaning back on her hands and picking at some loose threads in the old blanket. 

“I was young,” Colleen hummed.

“So, you were sprinting…?” The girl prodded, tilting her head and making Colleen laugh. 

“Yes, I’m practically flying through this lobby, and it’s almost completely deserted, but I suddenly crashed into this person who walked right around the corner just as I was turning. And I mean - crashed!” She stood up straight to throw her hands up in the air, her smile widening when her daughter began to laugh for the first time in weeks. “So I’m laying on the ground, surrounded by papers, and I’m on the verge of tears because I’m so stressed out. Then I hear this guy talking, stammering over apologies, and when I look up I see this gangly-looking boy with his glasses askew, scrambling to sit up while collecting my papers.

“He’s apologizing profusely, his face turning red as he starts scooping up papers, and he looks so devastated and frazzled that I’m the one who starts to feel bad.”

“That was really your first impression of dad?” Katie giggled, and Colleen laughed and nodded. 

“It gets better,” she tells her, “as he’s picking up my papers his apologies stop and I notice him actually reading my research notes. I will never forget the look on his face…” she drifted off with a small sigh, her smile affectionate as she gazed at the ground. 

“And… what was the look on his face?” She asked Colleen, tilting her head to the side. 

“He began to say, ‘this is brilliant -!’ but as soon as he looked up at me and our eyes met, he just - froze.” To imitate the moment Colleen freezes with her hands raised, eyes widening in a comical recreation of her husband’s face. “Well, I didn’t feel brilliant. When I laughed and said as much he began shaking his head and practically yelled in my face, ‘you’re work is beautiful - I mean brilliant! Brilliantly beautiful!’” She tries to deepen her voice and puffs out her chest, failing horribly to imitate her husband for the sole purpose of making her daughter laugh. 

“And what happened after that?” Katie asked, her face beginning to hurt from her smile. 

“He lowered the hand that held my papers and then did this with his other hand -” Colleen paused to lower her head slowly into one of her palms, hiding her face behind her hand. 

“Seriously?” She squealed with laughter at her mom’s impression of her father. 

“Yes,” Colleen nodded and then sighed again, a happy sound. “Well, I was so endeared by him I couldn’t help but laugh and introduce myself. He had… stars in his eyes when I held my hand towards him, and his face lit up as he grabbed my hand with both of his and practically yelled his name in my face, he was so excited.” 

“And you liked that?” Katie’s nose crinkled. 

“I thought it was cute.” 

“Huh,” she huffed and crossed her arms. After a moment she asked, “Then what happened?”

“Then I realized how horribly late I was and made a mad dash to grab all of my papers off of the floor, yelling as much as I ran away.”

“You left dad standing in the middle of the hall?”

“No, worse - I left him sitting in the middle of the hallway,” Colleen snorted, entirely undignified. 

“So, that was your first meeting. What about your second one?” She prodded after Colleen went back to adjusting the telescope, clearly searching for something specific. 

“You want to hear more?” She sounded amused. “I thought you hated mushy, romantic stuff.”

“I do,” she said with a shrug. But after a moment she added on gently, “But I like hearing you talk about dad.” Colleen smiled gently. 

“Well,” she began, her voice much softer, “it was later that evening in the lab when I was about to pick up where I had left off the day before, but I started by putting my notes back into order. However, as I was doing it I realized that I was missing a few pages.”

“Oh no,” Katie whispered, and Colleen nodded.

“What made it even more awkward was that I had a few pages that definitely weren’t mine.”

“What makes you say that?” 

“Well, the diagrams that I had drawn of my mock cancer cells were actually star charts,” she said, smiling at the small squeak of delight that Katie let out. “So, I’m on the verge of tears again because it’s as I’m looking over these star charts that I realize I must I must have taken some of that boy’s papers by mistake!” 

“Oh my gosh, mom!” Katie squealed with delight. 

“I know!” Colleen exclaimed, dragging her hands down her face. “I was so embarrassed! And the worst part is that I had been so panicked when we bumped into each other I had already forgotten his name, and it wasn’t on any of those papers!”

“So what did you do?” 

“I didn’t do anything,” she confessed, her voice turning gentle as she explained, “just as I was about to freak out and go hunting through the astronomy department until I found that boy, I heard a knocking on the door of the lab. When I looked up I saw that boy, holding up some papers. As soon as we made eye-contact he smiled and said, ‘I think I have something of yours.’ I couldn’t help but laugh and lift his papers and telling him, ‘and I think these might be yours.’ He walked over to pass me my papers and I explained in a rush that I had already forgotten his name.” 

“And then what?” Katie pulled her legs to her chest, tapping out a small rhythm on her kneecaps. 

“Well, he was a lot more composed at that time,” she chuckled, “so he said that he could look past it if I joined him for dinner… and I said yes.” 

“So, why did you agree to a second date?” She tilted her head to the side inquisitively. 

“Well… he did the unthinkable.”

“Which was?” Katie nudged her with her elbow. 

“Over dinner, he asked me about my research. And then he listened and asked relevant questions.”

“That’s the unthinkable?” Katie’s nose crinkled. 

“Sweetpea, I paid for college on a scholarship I won in a statewide beauty pageant,” Colleen told her flatly.

“Y’know, sometimes I forget about that,” Katie hummed. 

“Your father was the first - and only man to ever take me seriously. And on top of that, he was kind, and funny -” Colleen laughed, possibly at the memory of a joke he told her once. “And he was so thoughtful. He was able to make me relax like no one else, taking me out here when I was ready to set the city on fire -” she gestured at the sky above them before gesturing at the telescope and saying, “and giving me this.” 

“Dad… gave you the telescope?” Katie asked, looking between the telescope and her mom with confusion. 

“Not quite,” she chuckled gently before stepping aside and gesturing for her daughter to step in front of the telescope. “Look at all of those stars you see in that direction,” she instructed simply as Katie kneeled down to do as she instructed. “Do you see all of them? All of those reds and blues and golds?” She whispered, reverent. 

“Yeah, I see them,” she said, trying not to sound as bored or confused as she felt. 

“Well, tilt to the northeast,” Colleen said, smiling when her daughter’s breathing hitched. “Do you see it?” 

“It’s green,” Katie whispered. “It’s almost white, but - I can see, it’s tinted green.” She pulled away and looked at her mom, “What makes that star so special?” Colleen smiled at her and kneeled down beside the case that the telescope was kept in and opened a small compartment, pulling out a small bundle of pictures and folded papers. In the close lamplight as she sorted through the papers, Katie could see her mother’s hands shaking until she came across a weathered-looking notecard. She sat down next to Colleen and accepted the card from her, holding it towards the lamp to read the words on the paper. 

“The star with the coordinates…” Katie glanced between the card and the telescope before going back to the card and reading the rest of the words. Her jaw dropped when she finished reading and looked up at her mom. “Dad bought you a star?” She said in disbelief. Colleen let out a small, watery laugh. 

“We had been dating for six months,” she said, warm affection flowing from her words as she told the story, “I was staying in the city for an internship at the lab, and I was growing so frustrated with my research. I had hit a block, I wasn’t making any progress, wasn’t finding or seeing anything new… he insisted that I needed a break, needed to clear my head. So, like I said, he brought me out here,” she gestured at the field around them. “He would take me into the park in the city to show me constellations, but out here he said that he could show me the real beauty of space.” 

“It is beautiful out here,” Katie murmured, looking towards the sky. Colleen hummed in agreement. 

“I once told him I was terrified of space,” she confessed quietly. “There was so much out there, so much mystery - he said that was what made it so captivating.” Things were silent between them until Katie looked at her mom, emotion thickening her throat.

“Mom,” she squeaked, “I really miss them.”

“I know you do, sweetpea,” Colleen murmured, pulling her into a tight hug, “I miss them, too.” There was a moment of silence, broken by cicadas in the distance and sniffling from the two of them.

Katie was the first to break the silence when she said in a quaking voice, “They’re not dead.” Colleen’s motions of petting her hair stopped, and she squeezed her eyes shut. “I know they aren’t, I - I can feel it -!”

“Katie.” There it was again, that firm voice that made Katie stop all arguments. She didn’t want to let go, but she reluctantly did, and when she did she saw an unfamiliar expression in her mother’s eyes. “You know, I was never one to believe in soulmates,” she said, leaning away from Katie and looking towards the sky, “but if I ever did, I know that Sam was mine.” 

Katie was about to yell again, scream, ‘don’t talk about them like they’re dead!’

“-Which is how I know he’s still alive.” 

“Huh?” Katie faltered, staring at her mother in disbelief. She looked older, the light from the lantern casting shadows on her face as she stared up at the sky. 

“The same goes for your brother - I have a mother’s instincts,” she continued, turning her head to look at Katie. “I feel it just like you do - your father and your brother are somewhere, out there.” She finally noticed her mother’s hands shaking, clenched into fists in her lap. 

“Mom -?”

“Which is how I know,” Colleen choked on a sob and said, “that if anyone is going to find them, it’s going to be you.” 

“Mom…” Katie shuffled on the blanket, knocking the lamp over as she put her arms around her mother’s trembling shoulders. 

“I’m just so scared,” she confessed, wrapping her arms around Katie again and returning her embrace. “I don’t know how long I’ll be alone,” she said, her voice shaking. Katie, not knowing what to say, instead chose to remain silent while hugging her mother. “Katie, you have to promise me something,” Colleen said as she pulled away, taking her daughter’s face in her hands.

“Anything, mom.”

“Promise me that you’ll come home,” she whispered, her soft voice shaking. “Promise me.”

“I promise,” she said, leaning in to hug her mom again. 

“Bring them home, Katie,” Colleen said, kissing her daughter’s head, “I know that if anyone can do it, you can.” 

Katie pressed her lips together to stop herself from sobbing. 

 

 

Three weeks before the Garrison was set to start a new term, Colleen walked into Katie’s room with a manila folder in her hands. She sat down on the bed, gently placing the folder in Katie’s lap before folding her hands in her own, waiting patiently as she opened it. 

“These are -?”

“How else are you supposed to get into the Galaxy Garrison?” Colleen asked, the smile on her face both sad and knowing. Katie was too stunned to answer, pulling all of the papers out and flipping through them.

“Mom, I just - I already added myself into the system and everything, you didn’t have to do this -”

“I know how the government works, dear,” she said blandly, “which is how I know you’re going to need notarized hard copies of everything, which is a lot more difficult to forge.” 

“You realize this makes you an accomplice if I get caught?” She said, looking up at her mother. 

“Then I guess you’d better not get caught,” she replied with a small shrug. Her smile was weak, but it fell quickly as she averted her eyes. 

“Hey,” Katie sat up and put her hand on her mom’s shoulder. “I swear - I swear that I’ll come home. And when I do, I’ll have them with me,” she insisted gently. Colleen’s chin trembled and she nodded, leaning in to hug her tightly. 

“I believe you,” she whispered, lifting one hand to pet her daughter’s hair, playing with the ends. 

 

 

 

 

“She dropped me off at the bus station and hugged me. She told me that it wouldn’t be safe for me to write, but asked that I send her encrypted messages once in awhile. I remember telling her about Voltron, the first time I heard the transmissions. That was the last message I sent her,” Pidge finished quietly, her words slightly muffled in Matt’s shirt. 

“So she knows,” he murmured, petting her hair, “that you’re not really gone. That you’re keeping your promise.” 

“But she can’t tell anyone else without incriminating herself,” she whimpered, tears slipping down her cheeks. 

“But she knows. And that’s what matters,” he insisted gently, giving her a comforting squeeze. “Mom’s the toughest woman on Earth. Trust me, by the time we get back she’ll probably have found the cure for brain cancer.” He smiled when Pidge let a small, wet giggle. 

 

 

And on Earth, Colleen Holt waited for her daughter to keep her promise.

**Author's Note:**

> btw you can totally hit me up on [tumblr](fandomtrashpanda.tumblr.com)


End file.
